Everyone Should Know

I love cooking my children and my pets.

Remember, punctuation is important.

Accordion

Chatting online, and the conversation made me think of this one.


Q: What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and an accordion?

A: You have to plug in the vacuum cleaner before it sucks.

How Many?

So, this guy sees his wife crying after reading a news story of the internet.

He says, 'what's wrong honey?'

She says, 'two Brazilian people died in a skydiving accident today.'

The husband says,' I understand it's terrible and all but why are you crying?'

She exclaims, ' do you even know how many people that is?! I don't even know how many people one brazillion is.'

He's Actually Funny

 I thought of posting these as text, but some are better spoken, and I wanted to be sure these folks got proper credit.


http://dsc.discovery.com/tv-shows/mythbusters/videos/jamies-joke-of-the-week-090913.htm

Pirate Encyclopedia

A Joke From My Daughter

Another stupid joke

Anything?

A guy is sitting in a bar, happily losing himself in his booze. A "lady of the evening" slides in beside him, and whispers in his ear, "I'll do anything you want for a hundred dollars." The drunk stares at her, reaches in his pocket, peels off a hundred-dollar bill, and says, "Paint my house."

I Love This One

One of my favorite dumb jokes:

Q: What do you call a midget clairvoyant who just escaped from prison?

A: A small medium at large

GPS Fail

OK, this isn't really a joke, but I did find it amusing.

I was driving the other day, glancing at my GPS from time to time.

At one point, to get from one road to the next, I had to go along a short stretch that went between the two roads.

Apparently, my GPS didn't know what to call that little stretch. When I glanced at the display, it said "Driving on road".

I thought, "That's nice to know". I wonder, if I took a hard right here, would it change to "Driving on sidewalk"?

Chuck Norris

I love websites that are just plain silly. One is Chuck Norris Facts (http://chucknorrisfacts.com).

It's a little uneven. Some are not as funny as others. A few simply aren't, at all. Some are absolutely priceless. Below is one of my favorites.


Chuck Norris doesn't call the
wrong number. You answer the
wrong phone.

Ellen Is Funny

I heard this on "Ellen" yesterday.

=========================
Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Cash.

Cash who?

No, thanks. But, I will have a peanut.
=========================

Too Funny

I don't usually post cartoons, but this one was just too good.

The Years Keep On Coming

I'm driving up in northern Connecticut, about 40-50mph. People are whizzing by me. Suddenly,  I realize I'm the old man in a hat George Carlin always talked about.

Happy Easter

 I was originally going to print the joke as I remember it, but I came across this greati picture. It says it all.

Random Thought

I went shopping for camo pants, but I couldn't find them.