Sunday, June 25, 2017

Iced Coffee Recipe

1. Have kids

2. Make coffee

3. Get busy with kids. Forget you made coffee.

4. Drink it cold.

Monday, May 22, 2017

Trump Visits The Wailing Wall

You probably know by now that almost anything can remind me of a joke. President Trump's recent visit is no exception.

*****

A Rabbi, walking down a New York street, loses his hat. A passer-by retrieves it for him. On regaining his hat, the Rabbi says, "Bless you, my son. I never could have gotten that myself."

On the way home, the guy starts thinking. "I've just been blessed by a Rabbi! This must be my lucky day. I'm going to the track!"

The first race has a horse named "Stetson". The guy exclaims, "Stetson! That's a hat!" And puts everything he has on Stetson, to win.

Stetson wins big, and the next race has a horse name "Fedora". "Another hat!", he thinks, and puts all his winnings on Fedora.

Fedora wins big, too. "OK", he thinks, "one more race, and I'll show my wife my winnings."

But, when he gets home, his wife asks, "So, where's the money?"

"I lost it all in the third race. I put it all on a horse named 'Chateau', and it came in last."

"You idiot! Chateau is house! Chapeau would have been hat!"

"Oh."..."Well, it doesn't matter, anyway. Some Japanese horse won, named "Yarmulke".

*****

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

It Hurts

Guy goes to his doctor. "Doc,it hurts when I touch my self." He touches his head, then his elbow, his knee, his hip, and his tummy. "No matter where I touch me, it hurts." The doctor examines him, and says, "I found your problem. Your finger is broken."

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Greeting Your Customers

When I wprked in restaurant, we were always told to give a "two-part" greeting, like "Hello, welcome to Friendly's".

I liked to give my own examples:

Good afternoon. Can I show you a seat?

Hi! How are you today?

Hey! Sup?

Friday, September 23, 2016

In A Restaurant

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders.

The man says, “A hamburger, fries, and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?” “I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That will be $9.40 please,” and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, “A hamburger, fries, and a coke.” The ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.” Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until, the two enter again. “The usual?” asks the waitress.”No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad, says he man “Same,” says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, “That will be $32.62.” Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can’t hold back her curiosity any longer. “Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?”
“Well,” says the man, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”
“That’s brilliant!” says the waitress… “Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”
“That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the man. The waitress asks, “But, sir, what’s with the ostrich?”
The man sighs, pauses, and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say.”

Monday, September 5, 2016

You're Going Where?





I almost never put these graphics out for view. This one made me laugh out loud, though