Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Safety Tip

Q: In case of a fire, What steps would you take?

A: Incredibly large ones.

Some Really Stupid Ones

My son and I recently spent some time trading some of the stupidest jokes we know. Enjoy!

Q: What's the greatest thing about living in Switzerland?
A: ....The flag's a plus.

Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
A: Because he felt crummy.

Q: What do you call a dog with three legs and steel balls?
A: Sparky

Q: What you call a dog with no legs?
A: Doesn't matter. He won't come, anyway.

Q: What did the constipated mathematician do?
A: He worked it out with a pencil!

Saturday, September 15, 2012

An Oldie But Goodie

I came across this on another site. I've told this joke dozens of times, and it always makes me laugh.

A few old couples used to get together to talk about life and to have a good time.
One day one of the men, Harry, started talking about this fantastic restaurant he went to the other night with his wife.
one of the men said, what’s it called? After thinking for a few seconds the Harry said, “what are those good smelling flowers called again?”
“Do you mean a rose? the first man questioned.
“Yes that’s it,” he exclaimed.
Looking over at his wife he said, “Rose what’s that restaurant we went to the other night?”

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Getting Older

A couple of days ago, I turned 59, which made me think of this one.

An 80-year-old man went to the doctor for a check-up and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in. The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?" The old timer said, "I'm a turkey hunter and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out chasing turkeys up and down the mountains."
The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?" The old timer said, "Who said my dad's dead?" The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive? How old is he?" The old timer said, "He's 100 yrs old and, in fact, he hunted turkey with me this morning, and that's why he's still alive... he's a turkey hunter."
The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it. How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?" The old timer said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?" The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! How old is he?" The old timer said, "He's 118 yrs old."
The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went turkey hunting with you this morning too?" The old timer said, "No... Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he's getting married tonite." The Doctor said in amazement, "Married?! Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?"
The old timer said, "Who said he wants to?"

Monday, September 10, 2012

Say What?

OK, this isn't really a joke, but rather, a funny example of the way my mind sometimes works, or fails to. An old friend of mine recently purchased an earthenware flowerpot from Mexico. What he actually said was he got a good deal on a Mexican pot.

Well, when I saw the term "Mexican pot", a container for flowers was NOT the first thing that came to mind.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

For My Friend

A friend of mine is going through a tough time right now. It made me think of this one, which sums up what she's going through.

May those that love us, love us.
And those that don't love us,
May God turn their hearts.
And if He doesn't turn their hearts,
May He turn their ankles
So we will know them by their limping.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Getting Old

I saw an ad about Alzheimer's, which made me think of this one:

There are four signs of getting older.

1) Your memory starts to go.
2) Something else I forget.
3) You start to repeat yourself.
4) You start to repeat yourself.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Where Are They

Happened to see some camo stuff, and it reminded me of this:

I went to the store to buy some camouflage pants, but I couldn't find them.