Monday, October 16, 2017

One of my favorite dumb jokes. Q: How do you top a car? A: Tep on the brake, Toopid!

Sunday, October 15, 2017

Sunday, September 17, 2017

I heard that President Trump wants to outlaw shredded cheese, because he wants to make America grate again.

Thursday, August 24, 2017

I think I've stumbled on a truth. The reason the world is in such terrible shape is because a whole generation grew up without Captain Kangaroo.

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Not everyone will get this. "Say something in Spanish." "Algo."

Monday, July 24, 2017

A Shakespearian actor gets a meat stain on his tie, and shouts, "Out, out! Spam dot!"

Thursday, July 20, 2017

Who the heck was Ken Tucky? And why is a state named after him?

Sunday, June 25, 2017

Iced Coffee Recipe

1. Have kids

2. Make coffee

3. Get busy with kids. Forget you made coffee.

4. Drink it cold.

Monday, May 22, 2017

Trump Visits The Wailing Wall

You probably know by now that almost anything can remind me of a joke. President Trump's recent visit is no exception.

*****

A Rabbi, walking down a New York street, loses his hat. A passer-by retrieves it for him. On regaining his hat, the Rabbi says, "Bless you, my son. I never could have gotten that myself."

On the way home, the guy starts thinking. "I've just been blessed by a Rabbi! This must be my lucky day. I'm going to the track!"

The first race has a horse named "Stetson". The guy exclaims, "Stetson! That's a hat!" And puts everything he has on Stetson, to win.

Stetson wins big, and the next race has a horse name "Fedora". "Another hat!", he thinks, and puts all his winnings on Fedora.

Fedora wins big, too. "OK", he thinks, "one more race, and I'll show my wife my winnings."

But, when he gets home, his wife asks, "So, where's the money?"

"I lost it all in the third race. I put it all on a horse named 'Chateau', and it came in last."

"You idiot! Chateau is house! Chapeau would have been hat!"

"Oh."..."Well, it doesn't matter, anyway. Some Japanese horse won, named "Yarmulke".

*****

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

It Hurts

Guy goes to his doctor. "Doc,it hurts when I touch my self." He touches his head, then his elbow, his knee, his hip, and his tummy. "No matter where I touch me, it hurts." The doctor examines him, and says, "I found your problem. Your finger is broken."

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Greeting Your Customers

When I wprked in restaurant, we were always told to give a "two-part" greeting, like "Hello, welcome to Friendly's".

I liked to give my own examples:

Good afternoon. Can I show you a seat?

Hi! How are you today?

Hey! Sup?