Monday, October 21, 2013

Everyone Should Know

I love cooking my children and my pets.

Remember, punctuation is important.


Chatting online, and the conversation made me think of this one.

Q: What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and an accordion?

A: You have to plug in the vacuum cleaner before it sucks.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

How Many?

So, this guy sees his wife crying after reading a news story of the internet.
He says, 'what's wrong honey?'
She says, 'two Brazilian people died in a skydiving accident today.'
The husband says,' I understand it's terrible and all but why are you crying?'
She exclaims, ' do you even know how many people that is?! I don't even know how many people one brazillion is.'

Saturday, October 19, 2013

He's Actually Funny

 I thought of posting these as text, but some are better spoken, and I wanted to be sure these folks got proper credit.

Friday, August 9, 2013

Another stupid joke


A guy is sitting in a bar, happily losing himself in his booze. A "lady of the evening" slides in beside him, and whispers in his ear, "I'll do anything you want for a hundred dollars." The drunk stares at her, reaches in his pocket, peels off a hundred-dollar bill, and says, "Paint my house."

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

I Love This One

One of my favorite dumb jokes:

Q: What do you call a midget clairvoyant who just escaped from prison?

A: A small medium at large

Saturday, June 22, 2013

GPS Fail

OK, this isn't really a joke, but I did find it amusing.

I was driving the other day, glancing at my GPS from time to time.

At one point, to get from one road to the next, I had to go along a short stretch that went between the two roads.

Apparently, my GPS didn't know what to call that little stretch. When I glanced at the display, it said "Driving on road".

I thought, "That's nice to know". I wonder, if I took a hard right here, would it change to "Driving on sidewalk"?

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Chuck Norris

I love websites that are just plain silly. One is Chuck Norris Facts (

It's a little uneven. Some are not as funny as others. A few simply aren't, at all. Some are absolutely priceless. Below is one of my favorites.

Chuck Norris doesn't call the
wrong number. You answer the
wrong phone.

Friday, May 31, 2013

Ellen Is Funny

I heard this on "Ellen" yesterday.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?


Cash who?

No, thanks. But, I will have a peanut.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

The Years Keep On Coming

I'm driving up in northern Connecticut, about 40-50mph. People are whizzing by me. Suddenly,  I realize I'm the old man in a hat George Carlin always talked about.

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Happy Easter

 I was originally going to print the joke as I remember it, but I came across this greati picture. It says it all.

Sunday, March 24, 2013