Drunk: Whash ya lookin' for?
Policeman: We're looking for a drowned man.
Drunk (after trying really hard to think): Why do ya need one?
Drunk, to bystander: Shay, call me a cab, willya?
Bystander: Excuse me, sir. I'm not a doorman, I'm a naval officer.
Drunk: Okay, then. Call me a boat, jush so's I can get home.